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Nativity without Jesus

Stage Right                                 Stage Center                             Stage Left

Nativity Without Jesus

By Justyn Walker

Revised by Katelyn North

 

 

Actors:

Ÿ         Shepherd                       Brent

Ÿ         Joseph                           Nathan

Ÿ         Mary                              Amanda

Ÿ         Wise Man                     Rex

Ÿ         Soldier 1                       Ryan

Ÿ         Soldier 2                       Rick

Ÿ         Angel                             Sarah

 

Props:

Ÿ         Costumes

Ÿ         Stable Background

Ÿ         Manger

Ÿ         Whistle

Ÿ         Giant Cotton Ball

Ÿ         Tinsel

Ÿ         Plastic Wrap

Ÿ         Baby Powder

 

THE SKIT:

 

The set is a small nativity scene with ornaments as characters. Joseph and Mary are next to the manger and all the others characters, save the wise man and soldiers, are in unusual nativity places. The stage is frozen for a few seconds and then unfreezes with all the characters coughing, sneezing, and wheezing. Players hit their clothing to remove the dust (baby powder).

 

Shepherd: It must be Christmas again.

 

Joseph: Let’s be grateful we’re out of that box.

 

Mary: We could use a good vacuuming.

 

Shepherd: Don’t even joke about that. I’ve lost three sheep that way.

 

Joseph: (turns to Mary) Oh, you’ve got some… (takes some tinsel out of hair)

 

Mary: (sighs) Oh! You just can’t get rid of this stuff.

 

Wise man enters with plastic wrap around his arm. He keeps looking at someone as if he’s being pushed into position.

 

Wise Man: Alright, alright, quit shoving, quit shoving! You’ve got an injured man here! (Grumbles) I don’t believe this…

 

Joseph: What’s wrong with you?

 

Wiseman: (points to arm) They broke me!

 

Shepherd: (shakes head) Not again…

 

Angel: (Turns to reveal she has a wing missing) Join the club.

 

Joseph: Well you don’t have to complain so loudly about it.

 

Wiseman: Hey, I’m as human as the next ornament.

 

Mary: That doesn’t even make sense.

 

Wiseman: Hey, who’s the wise man around here?

 

Joseph: OK, listen guys. The set may not be as complete as when it was new, and a few of us have been dropped or stepped on or vacuumed up over the years, but we all make certain sacrifices in the name of Christmas regardless of what oversights and minor inadequacies the humans might subject us to.

 

Shepherd: Minor inadequacies!? Take a look at this! (lifts up a wad of cotton wool with pipe cleaner legs) Does this look like a sheep to you? Because I’ve only been a shepherd for 18 years, so I can’t tell a sheep from a piece of cotton wool glued to a couple of pipe cleaners!

 

Angel: If you ask me, someone out there’s got a few sheep loose in the top paddock, if you know what I mean…

 

Wiseman: You think that’s bad? Look what I have to put up with! (blows whistle and two plastic soldiers with gift boxes stuck on the ends of their rifles march in) Marines!

 

Soldiers: Frankincense and Myrrh reporting as ordered, sir!

 

Joseph: You have got to be kidding.

 

Mary: What happened to the other wise men?

 

Soldier 1: They bought it at the battle of Clementine, ma’am.

 

Mary: Clementine?

 

Soldier 2: Golden retriever, ma’am. It wasn’t a pretty sight.

 

Joseph: So you are the wise man replacements?

 

Soldiers: Affirmative, sir!

 

Joseph: Well, you should stand here, and you over here next to him… Try to look inconspicuous. (pauses and looks around Nativity) OK, wise men times three, Mary, and Joseph… that’s me… Angel, shepherd, barn animals…aren’t we forgetting someone here?

 

(everyone looks around)

 

Wiseman: Nope.

 

Angel: I don’t think so.

 

Shepherd: This mule looks like a giraffe.

 

Mary: At least there’s no Lego this year.

 

Angel: (sarcastically) I’m surprised Barbie and Ken couldn’t make it.

 

Joseph: (pointing offstage) Speaking of weird ornaments, what do you make of him?

 

(everyone starts laughing)

 

Shepherd: Oh yeah, I can see occasion for a three hundred pound guy in a red fur coat to be scooting around in the Judean desert in a chariot with no wheels. Like that’s gonna happen…

 

Mary: They’re really reaching with this one.

 

Angel: (reading offstage) Rudolf the red nosed Reindeer… What’s a reindeer?

 

Shepherd: I have no idea.

 

Mary: You know, I hardly even recognize Christmas anymore.

 

Others: Yeah…

 

(Mary looks down)

 

Mary: (pointing) Ahh!

 

Joseph: What!

 

Wiseman: Oh, this is intolerable!

 

Angel: You can’t celebrate Christmas without Jesus!

 

Joseph: That’s it! I’ve been fed to hamsters, I spent six months behind the stereo cabinet and two years ago they dressed me up in a tutu- but this time they’ve gone too far! No Jesus, no Christmas! Everyone back in the box!

 

Shepherd: (picks up sheep) Come on, let’s go.

 

Mary: (grabs manger and stomps offstage) I’ve never been so outraged in my life!

 

Joseph: It’s alright honey, we’re leaving. (exits)

 

Wiseman: Marines!

 

Soldiers: Yes sir!

 

Wiseman: We’re taking the gold with us!

 

Soldiers: Aye aye sir! (grab gold and march off)

 

Angel: Unbelievable! Imagine people celebrating Christmas and forgetting about Jesus. I bet this doesn’t happen anywhere else.

 

Wiseman: Of course not!

 

Angel: Just my luck.

 

Wiseman: You haven’t seen a star anywhere around here, have you?

 

(Lights out)